


Lost Children

by JinxedWolf



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Best Friends, Character Development, Child Abandonment, Childhood Trauma, Developing Friendships, Friendship/Love, Male-Female Friendship, Parent-Child Relationship, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:08:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27514339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedWolf/pseuds/JinxedWolf
Summary: She was, in some ways, luckier than most. She didn't know the worst of the 4th Ward at first and had a relatively nice childhood. But of course that didn't last.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Birth

**Author's Note:**

> Expect continuous editing here and there.

Katsuko was born in the Fourth Ward, two weeks early, to a pair of ghouls named Aiya and Satoshi Yamashita. She was born with her mother’s dark violet hair and, in stark contrast, her father’s bright-colored eyes that were the color of blue fire. 

Satoshi picked the name. “Ko” meant ‘child,’ which was nice, but he especially liked the sound of “katsu” whose kanjis could mean either ‘victory’ or ‘to overcome, to subdue, to overthrow’, which he hoped were traits of hers, so as to allow her to survive in the Fourth Ward. 

He’d always wanted to be rolling around with kids. 

He had so many things planned for her that he wrote a whole list of them. He would teach her to use her kagune, to fight, to blend in with humans, he’d build birdhouses with her and watch the squirrels raid them, teach her to write, get her any pet she wanted once she was at least ten years old, they’d play tag, braid her mother’s hair into crazy hairstyles.

He would teach her at her own pace to learn math and science, the way he never got to, so he saved up money to buy textbooks. And if she wasn’t the smartest, that would be okay. She was his daughter and that was all that mattered.

For a while, things were as good as they could get in the kind of place the small family lived in. 

And then, when she was five or six years old, Katsuko began to hear the arguments through the walls at night. 

Each time, she would slip out of bed and patter down the hall to press her ear to the door of her parents’ bedroom. She wanted to know what they were arguing about, see if she could do anything to help. 

However, her old man’s ears were still sharp. He always heard her little footsteps, and would proceed to immediately end the argument, open the door and put his daughter back to bed. Although the little girl tried to stay awake to see if the argument would eventually continue, she fell asleep waiting. 

Katsuko was eight years old when it happened. Her worst fear that her parents had warned her of. Her nightmares became a reality. 

Her father was caught and killed by the ghoul investigators when he went out on an errand. 

And what little of the world she knew became darker and sadder.

It was like the door shut on the playful and cheerful side of Aiya. For six months, Aiya hardly spoke. Sometimes she would pat her daughter’s head and look at her sadly. But she never smiled. 

“Mama,” Katsuko asked one evening. She looked up at her mother with big eyes. “Why was Papa out when the bad people caught him? What was he doing?” 

Aiya stared back, her expression surprised. After a long moment, she patted Katsuko’s head and said with uncertainty, “It doesn’t matter, Katsuko.” 

Lonely and without friends, Katsuko retreated to the treehouse her father had built for her. 

It wasn’t much of a treehouse, really. Several planks created a tiny platform of 6 square feet, nestled between three thick branches growing upward that seemed like pillars to Katsuko. 

A blanket, that had been mended and patched up many times, hung like a curtain around the platform, caught on the three branches and offered privacy. 

It was here Katsuko spent most of her time for six months. She took with her books her father had collected, some he had read to her, others he’d intended to use to homeschool her. 

Katsuko leaned against a branch through the cloth for support, and tried to make sense of the textbooks. She continued doing her homework. She just wanted to believe, if only for a short amount of time, that her father was still alive and coming home soon to check her work.

She just wanted to believe, if only for a short amount of time, that her father was still alive and coming home soon to check her work.

Papa had just begun to teach her multiplication, and even though it was difficult and confusing for the little girl, she kept pushing herself to understand the concept. Days passed, then weeks. 

Katsuko taught herself to find the area of a triangle, to divide and multiply numbers in her head, about the three states of matter and how fire worked. It was an efficient distraction. 

When she solves a problem about volume, checks her answer and finds it to be the first time she has gotten it correct, she goes down the ladder and hurries into the house eagerly. 

“Papa! Papa, I did it! I... I did it…” No one answers her. 

“Papa…?” She walks into her parents’ bedroom. There was no one there either. 

“Papa! Where are you? Papa!” The little girl cries, close to tears. “I did it...Come see!” 

Where was he? She wants to see him. She wants to see her papa. She worked hard so she could see him, so he could be proud. Why wasn’t he here to see? 

“Katsuko.” The girl turns to see her mother standing in the doorway, her face unreadable.

“Mama…” She takes a few steps toward her mother, holding out the paper. “Look… I solved it. Where is Papa? I want to show him.” 

“He’s dead, Katsuko. He’s not coming back...” 

“But I…” The little girl begins to cry harder, cry for her father. “I want to see him! I want to see Papa! I want Papa!” 

“I want him too.” Her mother says softly, slowly walking away.

Katsuko continues to sob, backing up until her back hits the wall. She slides down and curls in on herself, crying loudly. “Papa...” 

A long time passes. Katsuko doesn’t know how long. Her mother doesn’t come back. The little girl’s cries subside, and when she wipes her red eyes, she sees it’s dark outside. 

She slowly gets up on unsteady feet and grabs the picture frame on the nightstand. 

It’s of her on her sixth birthday, her parents holding her up and smiling, her father resting his chin on her head, which bore a plastic crown her mother had given her. In front of them was a big cupcake, rainbow colored. Her father got it for the occasion, even though they couldn’t eat it. To Katsuko, it was a very pretty present, a decoration, and she kept it in her room until it began to rot and attract flies. 

Katsuko hugs the picture to her chest and climbs into the old king-sized bed. She presses her nose into the pillow, smelling her father, and falls into a restless sleep.

* * *

Katsuko cries for the 12th time that week. And for the 12th time, she is alone. Her mother goes out often nowadays, and comes back late at night. Katsuko wonders if she is out looking for Papa or the people who killed him. 

The little girl misses her mama very much while she is gone. She wants to go out to look for her, but Mama always told her to not leave the house by herself. 

So she waits. 

Katsuko doesn’t do her homework anymore, but she still reads her father’s books. She especially likes the thick encyclopedia about animals. When she first opened the book, she spent hours sifting through the pages, mesmerized by the strange and beautiful creatures illustrated. 

Many Katsuko had never seen before, patterns and shapes and abilities she’d never seen before. She admired them all and saw bare beauty in the hawk’s widespread wings, the black and white body of the orca, the wolf’s trot, the horse’s gallop, the bright birds of paradise, the tiger’s stalk, the snake’s eyes, the whale’s tail, the amber coat of the fossa, the arch of the scorpion’s tail, the climbing koala, the huge bear, the enormous yet gentle elephant, the proud cheetah, the beautiful coat of the African wild dog, the shark’s power, the panda, the lynx, the fox, the starfish, the rabbit, the dolphin, the hummingbird, the frog, the gorilla, the falcon, the crocodile, the buffalo, the pronghorn antelope, the manta ray, they were all wild and unique and fascinating to Katsuko. 

_Do they lose their parents too?_ She wonders as she traces a baby golden snub-nosed monkey. _Are they sad like me?_

The sound of the door opening and closing redirects Katsuko’s attention, and she leaves the book on the kitchen table, padding over to the door. 

“Mama, you’re back.” 

Her mother is wearing heavy makeup, and a dress Katsuko’s never seen before. Nevertheless, the girl hugs her mother tightly. An unfamiliar scent hangs around Aiya, so Katsuko asks, “Where were you, Mama?” 

“I’m tired, Katsuko. Can we talk later?” Her mother moves past her, depositing a few bags on the table. 

Katsuko pouts and follows her mother. “But Mama, you’ve been gone a lot. I miss you. I wanna talk to you.”

“What do you want to talk about?” 

“Where have you been? I try to stay awake but you always come home so late. Are you looking for the people who made Papa go away?” 

Her mother turns her back to Katsuko, rummaging through the fridge for meat. “Papa is not here anymore. So we’re not together anymore. Do you understand, Katsuko?” 

Katsuko feels her sore, salt-ridden eyes swell up with tears at her Mama’s words. “But I… still miss you…” 

“I’m moving on.” 

“What? What do you mean, Mama?” 

She did not reply. 

Katsuko continued to wait for her mother to come home after that, wanting to spend every moment possible with her and thus adjusting her own sleep schedule. The little girl did not know what her mother meant by moving on, but she sensed a rising change in her mother.

Along with coming home late at night, her mother now brings with her shopping bags with fancy clothes inside. Katsuko only saw this once, because when she first peeked into one of the bags. 

“Katsuko! That’s my stuff, it’s not toys. Don’t touch it.” Her mother says when Katsuko looked, and takes the bags away. 

The clothes Aiya wears become increasingly fancier and expensive-looking. She puts on a lot of makeup too, a lot more than she used to, so she looks very pretty. Her skin somehow looks softer and smoother and smells different, like tropical fruits and roses. 

Katsuko guesses it was a new perfume and lotion. It was a nice smell, but Katsuko wonders why her mother changed her smell to begin with. The way she smelled before wasn’t bad at all. She’d smelled like blueberries. 

“Did you clean your room?” Her mother asks as she puts on makeup early in the morning. 

Katsuko had forced herself to get up the moment she had heard any indication her mother was awake, and was now leaning against the bathroom door frame bleary-eyed. “No.”

“You should,” her mother replies absently as she puts on another layer of foundation. “Can you sweep the floor today while I’m gone?” 

“Okay. I will for you, Mama.” 

“Good girl…” Her mother pulls her face back from the mirror to assess her work, pursing her lips. 

“Um, the food is running out. We only have one container left…” 

Aiya rummages through the bag on the counter in front of her, searching through different colors of lipstick and holds up shades to her lips, trying to decide which. 

“Mama?” 

“Hmm?” 

“The food?” 

“Yes, yes, I’ll refill our supply later...” 

Katsuko stands there for another hour, watching her mother paint her lips and eyelids, then proceed to lotion the rest of her body, then file her nails, then do her hair in a stylish bun. 

The little girl attempts to make meaningful conversation with her mother, only to be meant with short distracted answers. 

She watches as the woman picks out a sparkling gold dress that hugs her chest and hips snugly and flows down around her legs like water. 

Aiya is putting on matching gold dangling earrings, and Katsuko finds the words she was saying trail off as she stares at her mother. 

She is stunning, Katsuko realizes.

Has this stunning, dazzling woman always been her mother? 

The one who decided to hold a surprise party for Papa’s birthday, and made him scream girlishly when she and Katsuko jumped out? The one who was so proud when Katsuko made herself a mini statue of a bike out of twigs and acorns when Katsuko was told she couldn’t get a bike herself and race down the streets like she saw a kid her age do, instead of complaining? The one who took Katsuko hand in hand and danced clumsily with her in the kitchen to pop songs, pretending the broom was a microphone? Was this her? 

Katsuko didn’t recall her mother being that beautiful. She seemed almost untouchable now. 

It confuses Katsuko. Her mother had always been the same before: proud, adventurous, hardworking, dependable. 

“I’m going now. I’ll be back later.” Her mother says, which snaps Katsuko out of her trance. 

“Wait!” Her mother turns, and Katsuko barrels into her, hugging her tightly and burying her nose into the sparkly fabric. But it doesn’t smell the same. It doesn’t smell like Mama. 

Her mother pries her off after a moment. “I have to go now, Katsuko. Don’t wrinkle my dress.” 

“Bye, Mama.” Katsuko says softly, and then Aiya is gone. 

And Katsuko is all alone again. 

In the sudden crushing silence, the little girl goes to one of the two places she finds comfort. 

She pads into her parents’ bedroom, inhaling her father’s scent. She presses her nose to his pillow, imagining that it is actually his shirt and his stomach and him. 

But then she opens her eyes, and lifeless white cloth stares back at her. 

She sighs sadly, then notices a phone on the nightstand, her mother’s phone. She must have forgotten it.

Despite her sorrow, the eight year old is curious and decides to amuse herself. She turns the phone on, types in the numbered password as she’s seen her mother do many times, and when the screen changes, it presents her with a series of exchanged text messages.

The little girl sees words, and so she reads. As she does, her curiosity is more piqued.

_Aiya:_

_Good morning! How are you today?_

_Daichi:_

_Good morning. I miss you. I think about you all the time, my angel. I wish you were here with me._

_Aiya:_

_I wish I was there too ;)_

_Daichi:_

_If you were, I’d make sure you wouldn’t regret it. Why don’t you stay over tonight?_

_Aiya:_

_I can’t. I told you, I have a kid at home._

_Daichi:_

_She’ll be fine for a night or two. And you’ll be more than fine ;)_

_Aiya:_

_Maybe <3 I’ll see you today, same time same place? _

_Daichi:_

_Of course. Wear something tight._

_Aiya:_

_Don’t worry. I’ll get ready now. Love you._

_Daichi:_

_I know we just met a few weeks ago and I came on strong, but I already love you so much, my angel. I know there have been other guys before me, but your happiness is what’s most important to me._

_Aiya:_

_I can’t wait to see you. Just thinking about you is making me excited._

Katsuko frowns at the words, confused. Mama loves someone? Someone other than Papa? 

“No, no, no. Mama can’t love someone else. Mama loves Papa, only Papa,” the little girl mutters to herself as she tries to understand what this means. 

She exits the conversation, only to see three other conversations just like it. This only serves to confuse the little girl more. She’s never seen or heard these names before, when had her mother met them? The conversations are all very recent, according to the dates. 

Katsuko’s brows furrow even further as she remembers something her father had said after she watched the movie Cinderella: _“It may look like falling in love is something quick and easy, but that’s not really the way it works, my darling.”_

_“What do you mean, Papa?”_

_“Love, real love, takes a long time to develop. Like years. You cannot fall in love with someone just like that. Because you have to get to know the other person.”_

_“Do you love me yet?” I blinked up at him, eyes wide and hopeful._

_Papa smiled, his blue eyes that were just like her own, looking at her fondly. He rubbed her back, a gesture that usually came when she was sad or crying, and always made her feel loved. “The bond between a parent and their child is different from a bond between a man and a woman, my darling. From the moment when I first saw you, when you were even smaller than you are now, I loved you with all my heart. Because I’m your papa. Do you understand, my darling? Your papa will always love you. That will never change.”_

“I love you too, Papa. And I miss you.” Katsuko murmurs, holding a hand over her heart, where it throbbed painfully at the thought of her father. 

“Katsuko,” a hardened voice interrupts, and Katsuko turns from her place on the bed to see her dazzling mother. But Mama looks angry. “What are you doing snooping through my phone?” 

“I didn’t...didn’t mean to snoop...” Katsuko says in a small voice and shrinks back when her mother snatches the phone out of her hand.

“Don’t you dare go through my phone again. Stay out of my business. And don’t forget to sweep the floor today; it’s getting really dirty.” Aiya then leaves once again. And once again, Katsuko is all alone.

The little ghoul feels herself begin to tear up at her mother’s harsh words. She did not understand what she did wrong...she didn’t mean to snoop, she was just lonely and bored and sad… 

_I’m making Mama mad. That’s why she doesn’t want to spend time with me._

Katsuko curls up on the bed, hiding underneath the covers, and buries her nose in her father’s pillow. She tries to understand why she made her mama angry, but she can’t. 

And so the eight year old cries herself to sleep, feeling sadder and lonelier than she had ever felt before. 


	2. Broken One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her world and everything she knew fell apart around her.

The following months pass in much the same way, Katsuko loses track of time. 

Her mother did not say anything further about the phone incident. Katsuko wants to ask her mother why she got angry, but she doesn’t want to make Mama mad, so she says nothing.

Mama continues to buy fancy clothes and expensive makeup, even getting a full-length mirror in their small living room.

Since she’s home alone most of the day, Katsuko plays with imaginary animals and makes faces in the new mirror. 

She is still very sad about Papa. And so she closes her eyes and imagines him just like she imagines her animals, sitting right there next to her, happy. 

When she opens her eyes again, she feels enormous sadness about how different things are in her home. It has only been a year, but she used to wake up to her mother gently shaking her, her father chuckling affectionately when she yawned overdramatically and smiled sleepily before dozing off again despite her mother’s protests. When she did get up, she’d spend the day doing whatever her mama or papa were doing. Since both worked a part-time job, usually one was gone while the other was at home watching her. 

If it was raining, Katsuko would drag her parents outside and splash and run and play. She loved the rain, loved playing in it, loved getting wet, loved listening to it and falling asleep to it, loved cuddling with her parents trying to get warm afterward. 

But now, Papa is gone, and even when it does rain, Katsuko cannot go outside to play because her Mama is texting. 

Whatever time is left in the day when Mama comes home is spent texting. She texts whenever she can, during dinner, as she’s going to bed, when she’s getting ready with her makeup and outfit. 

Katsuko tries to pull her mother away from the screen, but each time, Aiya gets angry and tells her to stop asking questions and leave her alone. 

And every time, Katsuko feels some part of her get crushed and runs away to cry in the treehouse. She waits for Aiya to come out and apologize and rub her back and kiss her on the cheek and hug her, but she waits in vain. 

So the little girl learns not to bother her Mama when her Mama is busy on her phone, even though she is lonely. She can sit next to her mother during those times, but her mother is not really there. Her mother is somewhere else.

Katsuko feels hurt. But Mama smiled the first time in months when she started texting. So Katsuko decides to toughen it out, try to be good and ignore her own desires which grow louder and louder with each day that passes by. She wants to work hard for Mama just like Mama’s always worked hard for the family.

So she does not get angry at her mother for not spending any time with her, even though she’s very lonely, because she’s afraid Mama will get mad at her. Another reaffirmation of how her wants does not matter will hurt more.

Katsuko wants Mama to be happy. Because Mama always made her happy: when she gave Katsuko a sparkly plastic crown for her birthday, when she taught her how to play rock paper scissors, when she surprised Katsuko and got her a paint set even though they did not have much money. 

Katsuko does not know who her mama texts, but she giggles and looks happy at the screen, so maybe, whatever it is makes her feel better about Papa’s death. 

Morning after morning, Katsuko is there when her mother gets ready, “for work,” Mama said. Although Katsuko does not understand why her mother suddenly needs to look so pretty when she goes to work. 

She asked Mama once, but the older ghoul didn’t answer. Katsuko felt stung from being ignored and felt she did something wrong so she did not ask again. 

The little girl also tried to play with her mother, but Aiya will have none of it. She is getting ready for the day and she does not have time for games. Katsuko is left to lean against the door frame or sit on the floor, trying to talk to her mother about anything. 

But as time goes on, the little girl says less and less. Because her mother is so… apathetic to everything the girl says. Every kiss and hug feels rushed and distant.

Sometimes, Aiya asks her questions absentmindedly, but Katsuko soon found that whether she answered enthusiastically or quietly or sniffling, her mother did not care. 

She did not truly care about the answer. 

But Katsuko keeps trying. Her parents had told her time and time again that life was going to get harder the older she got and she had to learn to adjust. 

Maybe this is just one of those times, where life is hard before she can get used to it. Although, she didn’t think she could ever get used to the absence of her father. She knew he was dead, and he wasn’t coming back. 

But Katsuko found some comfort in knowing he lived in this house, he touched this book, he made that worksheet; and by doing so, maybe some part of his soul resided in where he lived and the things he valued. 

Her mother seems happily occupied all the time. She keeps forgetting about things Katsuko had asked for, like refilling their food, like a new box of crayons, a new sweater. When the food does get dangerously low, Katsuko learns to conserve it. 

Along with all that, Mama texts when Katsuko tries to talk to her or play with her. 

And Katsuko says nothing about the sting.

One morning, her mother is getting ready as usual and as usual a sleepy-eyed Katsuko is there. She yawns and says “The food is getting really low...I saw this amazing animal in Papa's book, it's called an orca and it's black and white and they're nicknamed 'wolves of the sea'. I wish you'd look and see them.”

Aiya doesn't answer, too busy evaluating herself in the mirror.

The eight year old bites her lip. The sting hurts her again, inside, in her heart. Like a jellyfish.

Why doesn't Mama answer her? Why doesn't she pay attention to her? Katsuko was so tired this morning, but she made herself get up so she can spend time with Mama. Because she misses her. 

_Doesn't Mama miss me?_ Her lip trembles. 

Katsuko knows that while Papa isn't here, he would have wanted her to keep Mama happy. 

But...she's here. She's right here. Mama should look at her. Mama should talk to her, play with her. Should love her. 

“Mama...”

At her insistence, Aiya snaps. 

_“What_ is it, Katsuko? I’m trying to get ready, trying to move on with my life; you can’t expect me to care about whales. I’m busy, can’t you see that?”

Katsuko’s lip trembles as she is brushed off again, and she finds herself yelling back, “I miss you! I miss you Mama! Why don’t you ever play with me anymore? Why do you get mad at me? Why do you text so much and not talk to me? Why don’t you hug me or kiss me anymore? I miss you! I want you to hug me! I want my Mama!” 

Aiya drops her makeup brush, whirls around and slaps Katsuko right across the face. 

“Shut up!” She screams, glaring at her daughter. “Your mama died with your papa! Get over it!” 

Katsuko bursts out sobbing and runs out. She runs to her parents’ room, and throws herself onto the bed, curling up into a ball.

“Papa…” She cries loudly, and flinches when she hears the door slam. Silence fills the house. 

Her cheek stings as the skin heats up. 

Katsuko cries and cries, her knees to her chest. She cries until her throat is sore, her eyes burn, and her heart feels as if it’s been stabbed. 

After a long while, Katsuko manages to stop crying. Her nose is stuffy and her throat hurts, so she walks slowly into the kitchen to drink some water.

After that, she heads tentatively to the bathroom, still sniffling. She sees scattered makeup and skin care products and brushes on the counter. Then she looks at herself in the mirror. 

Her eyes are puffy and red. Her cheek has a faint red streak, but only hurts in her heart now. Her dark violet hair, the same as her mother’s, is greasy and tangled.

She watches herself reach up to touch her cheek where her mother had hit her. 

“Mama...hit me?” Katsuko whimpers to her reflection, shock making her little body tremble. “Why…?” 

All Katsuko wanted was for her mama to talk to her, to look at her. 

She does not understand her mother's anger. She does not understand anything about her mother anymore.

Aiya’s scent is different, she acts differently than Mama would and Katsuko finds herself not knowing who the other ghoul is. It's like she's a whole new person.

_Is she really my mama? Mama… loved me._ Her mother placed the plastic crown on her head on her sixth birthday and fell over laughing when Katsuko swung a blanket around her shoulders like a cape and paraded around the house demanding ridiculous orders in a deep voice. 

“Mama...would never...hurt me…I want my mama! I want my mama!” She howls. But no one is there to hear her. 

Whoever her mother is now…doesn’t want anything to do with her. 

_What did I do wrong?_

Katsuko would cry but she found, for the first time in her life, she couldn’t cry any more tears.

* * *

_“Katsuko, remember when you slipped on the ladder and fell to the ground?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“You got back up, remember?”_

_“Oh, yeah… my arm and my knees hurt a lot though.”_

_“My darling, I want you to remember that, as you grow up and become big and beautiful and strong, bad things will happen.”_

_“Bad things? I don’t want bad things to happen, Papa! I want us to stay like this forever! How do I stop the bad things from happening?”_

_“You can’t, my darling. I’m sorry. This is one thing you cannot do. But what I need you to remember is that when these bad things happen, you have to keep trying to be happy and you keep fighting. Just like getting back up even though your arm and your knees hurt, you get back up. Will you promise me you’ll do that, my darling?”_

_“Okay, Papa. For you, I promise I will!”_

_“I love you, little one.”_

_“I love you too, Papa!”_

Katsuko takes a deep breath. That’s right. Papa always wanted her to fight even when things got hard. Bad things happen, you get hurt, but you get back up. She tried to think of the pain slicing through her heart as a physical wound, like a scrape on the elbow, that would heal in no time. 

When Mama comes back, Katsuko decides, she will talk to her and bring her mama back. She will tell her mama how much she loves her, give her a hug and bring her back. 

Mama loves her. So she’ll come back and be herself again. She has to. Papa would want them to be happy, he would want her to be there for Mama. 

  
  


Katsuko feels hopeful, for the first time in months. 

That night she tries to speak her thoughts for once, but Aiya acts as if everything is completely normal and waves her off. “Not right now, Katsuko, I’m busy.” 

Katsuko is confused, and hesitates. Did Mama forget that she hit her? Should she forget too? She doesn’t want Mama to get mad or hurt her again. 

The weather gets colder. Things go on as if Aiya never hit Katsuko.

And then, Aiya does not return for two nights. Katsuko worries and stays awake for as long as she can, comforted by the smell of her papa on his pillow. 

Did Mama get caught like Papa did? Is Mama going to go away too?

But on the third evening she returns. Katsuko is so relieved, but there’s something different about her. Completely different. A new smell comes from her, smelling sharply of something like vinegar and causing Katsuko to wrinkle her nose in distaste. 

She’s acting very strange, too. Her smooth skin had become flushed, and she scratches her arms every minute or so. Her heart and breathing was slower than normal. Despite this, she looks relaxed and the most happy Katsuko had ever seen her. 

There was another new factor in addition to these recent changes that causes Katsuko’s hairs to rise in alarm.

Her mother has brought an unfamiliar man into their home. 

The man was a little shorter than Aiya, with dark hair and dark eyes and a sneering face. He wore a shabby suit, but his condition was just like Aiya’s. 

“Mama? Mama? What’s going on? Where have you been? Are you okay? Who--Who is that?” Katsuko feels a shiver run down her spine and takes a step back as the man fixes his eyes on her. 

“Is this the one you’ve been complaining about?” His voice is high-pitched and he giggles as if he had just found a unicorn. 

Katsuko’s brow furrows. Who was this person? A friend of Mama’s? Is this who she’s been texting? Why were they acting so weird? What was that weird smell on them? 

“Mmm,” Aiya raises a hand, and Katsuko flinches, half-expecting to feel the pain across her cheek again. 

But Aiya simply smooths down her hair, then drapes herself over the unfamiliar man and nips at his ear. “But ignore her. I’ll...deal with her later, be, oh so honest! Come here.” 

She pulls the man into the bedroom. 

Katsuko panics. “No!” She shrieks. “Papa--Papa’s smell is still in there! Mama, _don’t_ \--!” 

Forgetting her previous fear, Katsuko runs into the room. Aiya and the man were on the bed, yanking and tugging and pulling clothes off. 

_No no no no no!_ Katsuko did not understand what was happening, but she knew she _had_ to get them off before her papa’s scent disappeared. 

“STOP! PAPA!!” She jumps onto the bed and tries her best to drag them away, but the man turns easily in her grip and kicks her in the chest. 

Katsuko flys back, gasping for breath as pain races through her. 

_Get back up,_ the little girl orders herself, and manages to do so. 

“STOP! NO! MAMA, STOP! _DON’T MAKE PAPA DISAPPEAR_!” The little girl does whatever she can think of to get them off, but the man only giggles. 

“Noisy, this one is.” He grabs her by the hair and Katsuko screams. 

“Mama!” But Aiya does nothing. 

And the man throws Katsuko against the wall. 

This time, Katsuko cannot get up. She fights to stay awake as her papa had told her to fight. She sees her mother and the man doing things she’s never seen before, things she doesn’t know. Then her vision blurs, and she loses consciousness. 

* * *

When Katsuko wakes up, she knows a lot of time has passed. She sits up slowly, her back stiff and a purple bruise on her chest where she was kicked. Her head and limbs hurt, and she whimpers. 

Aiya and the man are gone. But the air reeks of them and weird smells Katsuko does not recognize. The bed’s sheets are tussled, the blanket on the ground. 

Katsuko gets up. Her stomach growls, and she starts to head for the kitchen, but then she remembers there’s only a few strips of meat left. So she ignores her grumbling stomach and wanders over to the bed slowly. 

Her papa’s pillow is on the floor. When Katsuko sniffs it, she cannot smell any trace of him anymore. 

The room and the bed are the same as well. All that’s left is Aiya’s and that stranger’s scent and the weird smells. 

Katsuko sits back on her knees. Tears trail down her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry, Papa. I tried,” she whispers, tasting the salt. Her hope is dwindling away, and besides the ache in her limbs and chest, she feels as empty as the room. 

The little girl looks around the messy room and sees the photograph lying on the ground, the one of her and her parents on her sixth birthday.

She crawls over to it and looks at it. Her birthday. Suddenly, the little girl remembers, her ninth birthday is coming up. It’s in two days.

She’s surprised at herself; how could she have forgotten her own birthday? 

Looking down at the photograph, the little girl traces the frame. 

Papa is in this photo, he touched this photo. So some part of his soul must be in it. And if this photo is okay, then she still has a part of him. 

_Papa told me to get back up, even though I’m hurt. He said...to keep fighting and keep trying to be happy._

Katsuko looks to the doorway. _I want Mama to be like she used to, when Papa was still here. Then we can be happy._

The photo in hand, Katsuko grits her teeth and leaves the bedroom. _I have to try to be happy. That’s what Papa wanted._

So Katsuko was going to talk to her mama, bring back the woman she knew. Maybe, if she tries her hardest, Mama will be back to normal and they can be happy. 

The little girl finds her mother sitting at the kitchen table, alone. The man is nowhere to be seen. Aiya’s heartbeat and breathing is back to normal, but the smell still hangs around her. 

Katsuko hugs the photograph to her chest and then tucks it safely behind a plastic plant.

“Mama,” she speaks up before she can worry her mama will get angry, “My birthday is in two days.” 

“...And?” Her voice is quiet, emotionless. 

Katsuko swallows. “For my birthday… all I want is for you to be...like you used to.” 

Her mama turns slowly in the chair. Her makeup is smudged, and she has this... _cold_ look in her eyes. 

Katsuko is afraid. Afraid her mother will get angry and hit her like she did in the bathroom the last time Katsuko spoke up about her feelings. 

But this is her mama. Her mama won’t hurt her. Mama always got her pretty things for her birthday, like the plastic crown, and Mama played with her and Papa in the rain, Mama made her laugh when she fell down and got hurt, Mama tucked her into bed and made her feel safe. 

Mama never wants to make her sad. 

Because Mama loves her.

And Katsuko loves Mama. 

“You’re different... Why are you different?” Katsuko wrings her hands. “I…don’t know why you hit me, Mama, or why you’re different now. But I miss you how you used to be. We were happy back then and I want it to be like that again, Mama. Because I love you. I’ll always love you, Mama--” 

Aiya surges from the chair and shoves her to the floor. She kicks her, and Katsuko cries out. “Ow, Mama! Mama! Please stop--!” 

“Shut up you ungrateful brat!” Aiya roars, kicking her again. “Who the hell cares about what you want? No one does! I’m sick and tired of you moping and dragging me down! Why do I have to take care of you? What makes you think you deserve to be taken care of?” 

The woman grabs Katsuko by the hair, causing the little girl to scream in pain. “You want things to go back to the way they were? It’s _your_ fucking fault! Have you forgotten that, you stupid girl?! _You_ just _had_ to have a new toy, so the fool went out to get it for you and got killed!” 

Katsuko sobs loudly, curling in on herself like she always did when she cries. “I didn’t...mean to...”

Aiya lets go of her, earning a yelp of pain, before she glares venomously down at her eight year old daughter. “I don’t know why I had you! All I’m trying to do is move on with my life with someone who’s going to make _me_ happy for once! I’m living my own life! So shut up! Just SHUT UP!” 

Suddenly Katsuko feels searing pain in her back, the worst pain she has ever felt. 

Her cheek pressed to the floor, she screams and screams, as the pain becomes even more excruciating. It moves down across her back, and it hurts so much, Katsuko almost doesn’t hear her mother’s shouting above her own screaming. 

“I don’t fucking want you! You ruined my life and you’re trying to ruin it again! Your mama is dead! Do you hear me?! She’s dead just like he is! Fucking get over yourself!” 

“Mama! Stop PLEASE!” Katsuko begs, fists clenched so hard her nails puncture her palms but she doesn’t feel it above all the agony in her back. 

Aiya doesn’t. She keeps shouting. The last thing Katsuko remembers before she blacks out is her mother kicking her. 

  
  
  



	3. Broken Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title “peacekeeper” does not mean the strongest ghoul makes actual peace in 4th Ward. The peacekeeper simply keeps order and makes sure all the ghouls in the ward stay under the CCG's radar...by whatever means said ghoul uses.

Once upon a time, there was a pretty, clever young woman who lived in a unpleasant and cannibalistic place known as the 4th Ward. 

She did what many women did in order to support herself: she sold her own body to the whims of others.

At the age of 21, she became pregnant. 

The woman was clever enough to realize she did not have the means to give her child even a remotely good life. However, she did manage to narrow down who the father was to three men. 

She kept tabs on them, and when the baby was born, it was clear whose child it was by the brilliant-colored hair. 

The young woman paid a visit to the father of her child, asking him to help support the baby. 

He refused. 

The clever woman had foreseen this possibility, and planned for it accordingly. She blackmailed him, threatening to report him to the peacekeeper as a schemer planning to take his position. She had a few favors saved up, and so she could convince other ghouls to back up her claim.

The man was enraged by her threat, but reconsidered and grudgingly agreed to continually send the woman money to support their child. 

The young woman felt relieved that her child’s future was a little more secure. Though as a precaution in case the father decided to get rid of them, she hired two ghouls to guard her and her child while they slept. 

A few years passed in relative peace, and there had been no attempts on the woman or her child’s life. To save more income, she decided to let her bodyguards go. 

The bodyguards hesitated, as they both had grown fond of the child and the woman as well, but had no choice but to do as she wished. 

Despite no longer being employed by the woman, the two ghouls would often visit them to ensure they were doing well. 

The woman did everything she could to make her child happy, who was now four years old.

Whenever the mother felt the tiny hand latch onto her own, she felt glad she kept the child.

The young mother had just started saving up to buy her child a giant stuffed horse, when she was murdered in her sleep by the man who her bodyguards were once ordered to protect them from. 

The child was taken and sold to the peacekeeper and in exchange, the father gained the freedom to leave the ward. 

The peacekeeper examined the girl in his arms, watching as she gurgled and chewed on her bright peachy-red hair. 

“What a lovely child. Put her with the rest.” He ordered, handing her off. 

The peacekeeper kept a close eye on the ghouls he had control over. Especially the little ones. After all, who would replace the arrogant rebels in his ranks he made examples of? 

The peacekeeper was tired of these renegades popping up in his kingdom like weeds. He wanted well-trained followers and he planned to start them young. 

The building the orphaned children lived in was nicknamed “the Crib.” There are two levels, four rooms in each. The kids were starved and beaten and given rags to wear. The ones who dared to run away never ran again. 

The peacekeeper would come to the building they crowded into and fix them with his beady black eyes, telling them in a pleasant voice that if they just behaved, their lives would be much easier. And if they wanted things worse, he wouldn’t dare deny them that. 

Pretty-faced girls were picked out of the crowd at age 13. Their bodies were sold on the streets for others’ pleasure and the money went into the peacekeeper’s pocket.

The bright-haired girl grew up in the Crib, learning quickly to avoid getting beaten up by the peacekeeper’s two guards. 

She had her mother’s cleverness. 

When she turns 12, she trades the bone she received for this week’s dinner for a shard of glass and an exchange of clothes. Once night falls, she uses it to cut her hair to a boy’s length, then buries its brightness underneath layers of ash from the fireplaces. For good measure, she also smears dirt on her face.

She’d watched every year as girls were taken away and heard the whispers of where they went, heard the guards laughing. 

She refuses to have the same fate. 

And so she spends 12 months like this, with short ash-coated hair, face down, trying her best to look forgettable among the thin kids and hoping to be forgotten. After all, at the end of each day, the guards only count the number of children--that's about the only thing they're smart enough to do--they don't care about names or faces. 

The day she dreaded arrives, and the guards search for the redhaired girl. “Where is she? Where is the brat called Itori?” 

Itori keeps her eyes down like she always does as they pass, shoving kids aside. 

_I’m a boy, I’m a boy, I’m a boy_ , she repeats to herself, bringing her knees to her chest. 

“Hey! Hey you! Look at me when I’m talking to you!” A kagune slashes her arm as she pretends to be deaf. 

Fear paralyzes her. She can't, she _can't_ be taken away. She'd rather die than live the nightmare that starts at 13 for the orphaned girls in the Crib. The thought of it, of what will be done to her, is almost enough to make her scream. 

She shuts her eyes as pain races through her arm when she doesn't look up. The fear is overwhelming now and she feels doomed--

“Leave my brother alone! I said leave him alone!” 

“What did you just say to me?” A crack, a yell of pain, kicking and yelping. “You’d better watch yourself, piece of shit.” 

“Oi, quit fucking around and find the girl dumbass!” 

Grumbling. 

Itori peeks up from her tattered sleeve. 

A 14 year old boy is on the ground, the others surround him, peering and muttering. His right arm is broken. Blood runs from the corner of his mouth, but he wipes it away and sits up. 

“Jackasses,” he mouths to the guards’ retreating backs. 

Itori lifts her head a bit more, and crawls forward, keeping her head down until she reaches the boy. “Hey. Thank you.” She whispers.

The boy gives her a small smile. His eyes are mint green, a pastel shade that calms Itori. “Don't mention it. Name’s Kota.” 

He looks to where the two adult ghouls disappeared, then back at her. His expression is more serious as he says in a low voice, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they will find you eventually, you know. And when they do…” 

Itori shivers. “I’m not going to go. I won’t. I hope they kill me instead.” 

“Hey. You got guts. That’s an awesome thing to have. You don’t wanna toss it down the drain.” Kota bumps her shoulder with his left hand. 

“You got guts too.” She offers.

“I’m not a girl though. I can just imagine how scary it is.” Kota nurses his broken arm, grimacing in pain. “Thank _you_ by the way. You know the guy you traded your food to for the glass and the clothes? That’s my buddy. He didn’t get dinner last week.” 

Itori mutters a reply. She was only looking out for herself, his friend just unintentionally benefited from it. 

“So…” Kota glances around to make sure the guards haven’t wandered back into their particular room. “What are you going to do?” 

“I...don’t know.” Itori admits. She had been saved this time, who knows about the next? “Maybe I can squeeze into the vents or something.”

“Let’s try once it’s dark, yeah?” Kota says, scrubbing a hand down his dirty face. 

“Yeah…my name is Itori. Nice to meet you.” 

The boy with the mint green eyes smiles again, his hair sticking up everywhere. “You too.” 

Although Kota is shorter than Itori, he manages to lift her up into a vent when everyone is sleeping.

She replaces the metal rectangle back in place and soon falls asleep on the cold metal. 

The redhead wakes to the sounds of crashing. Through the vent cover, she can see the two guards overturning already broken chairs and furniture, ripping fallen curtains and worn blankets off children, searching. 

After failing to find her in the rooms, they break open the vents to peer inside. 

But Itori has already scooted backward into the dark tunnel and behind a corner, out of sight.

Knowing that she is safe for the moment, that she succeeded in avoiding her worst fear, the girl felt immense relief. She even wonders if there is a chance she and Kota may find a way to escape the 4th Ward, the first hopeful thought in many hard years. 

* * *

By the time the brutal training sessions are over, she feels thoroughly cramped and bored. However, she wasn’t going to complain, especially when she saw the kids coming back.

Every other day is a ‘training’ day in the Crib.

Sometimes a group of kids is forced to defend against an adult ghoul attacking, while the adult is using their kagune. Sometimes it’s even a single kid. And there is no holding back. 

That outcome is never pretty. 

Other times, the kids are ordered to do things, like build brick walls only to have them torn down by the adults so they have to build again.

The idea is to get them used to following orders no matter how unfair it is.

Anyone who objects ends up much worse than Kota did. 

It's hard enough that they never get enough food. 

Itori notes the new bruises, cuts and broken bones as the kids file back in. They look even worse than normal, and that’s saying something. More than one kid cannot walk, and is dragged in by others. 

They are too thin and hungry to heal their injuries, but they’re used to it. Itori is used to it. Everyone is. 

She hears a whimper as one of the two guards grabs a small girl and demands to know where Itori is.

As the girl is kicked when she fails to answer, Itori wonders how many others got hurt because of her disappearance and feels a bit guilty. But in the 4th Ward, you learn to look out for only yourself. Looking out for others never does you any good. 

At night, Kota feeds her half of his ration. She comes out, re-ashes her hair, and moves around as much as she is able before retreating back to her hiding place.

Itori knows how furious the peacekeeper is that her whereabouts are unknown; she overhears the guards talking about it.

But she can’t help but smile, knowing they will be punished because of her.

The day comes, once a week, when the children are allowed to go outside, but always under strict watch of the two asshole guards.

Itori slips out of the vent while Kota and everyone else is gone. 

Lying in the vent all day is not only boring, but can get very uncomfortable. 

She stretches her limbs. Then, careful not to be seen, the now 13 year old peeks out the window. She doesn’t see Kota, but she does see the two guards. They switch out every month so she has long given up on remembering their names. 

She’s searching for Kota when there is a commotion. Itori sees the kids freeze and the guards stiffen. They are all staring in one direction.

A male ghoul steps in the window’s view, and Itori’s blood freezes in her veins.

A scar stood out above his prominent brow line. His hair was green, dark green, and combed back over his forehead. 

He smiled cruelly at the children, who flinched and backed away under his beady gaze. 

It was the peacekeeper, Taigen. 

He walks up to one of the guards and rips an arm off. 

Itori ducks away from the window and feels primal fear surge through her as she hears the doors to the Crib open and the patter of feet. They’re coming back inside. 

And she can’t reach the vent on her own. 

So Itori grabs a threadbare blanket and hides under it among the half-empty pillows, broken chairs and fallen curtains. 

Taigen’s confident, casual voice reached her ears.

“Now, Yori, you know how much I like you and Hiroki. However that does not change the fact that I,” Taigen lets out a fake dejected sigh, “...am missing one of my precious children.”

“Sir, we have looked for her--”

“I have no doubt that you did,” the peacekeeper interrupts, before his voice turns heartless. “But you failed. I gave you an order. You did not do as told, so, I feel as if you have disobeyed me. You can imagine how that makes me feel.” 

Itori hears the children file slowly into the room to sit on the floor at their usual places. She can practically smell their fear. 

“I will address your disobedience. But first…” There’s the sound of fast movement and then a kid’s cry. 

Not just any kid. _Kota’s_ voice. 

Itori pulls up the blanket covering her a tiny bit. She sees Taigen, and he is much bigger than she remembers the last time he visited. Kota is on his knees, choking by the peacekeeper’s hand. 

“Someone must be punished,” Taigen’s voice is a purr. 

_No!_ Itori’s heart shrieks. _Stop! Stop it!_

Itori’s fingernails dig into the rags she wears. Her mind disagrees, the one molded by the harsh reality of the shitty ward. _What can you do? Nothing. You’ll only expose yourself. There’s still a chance they won’t find you. Don’t give yourself away. Look out for yourself, no one else. Survive._

_Kota is going to die because of me!_

_DON'T. They will take you away!_

_Get up coward!_

That does it. She owes him. Kota helped hide Itori, got his arm broken because of it. Gave her half of what little food he got that week.

Itori is not a coward. 

“Stop,” she forces herself to stand up, the blanket slipping off her despite her blood pounding in her ears. “Leave--leave him alone.” 

Her voice is wobbly even as she tries to hide it, tries to be brave. She clenches her fists as the peacekeeper and his two goons stare at her. 

The peacekeeper, eyes now fixed on Itori, releases Kota and stalks toward her. Without warning, he kicks her in the stomach and she hits the ground with a thud. 

The impact shakes ash from her hair, revealing brilliant coral red. 

Taigen suddenly bursts out laughing. “Hiding under a blanket this entire time?” 

Itori is in too much pain from the kick to answer at first. 

“Answer me, bitch.” He kicks her again and this time she sputters something coherent. 

“The vents? Well, congratulations little girl. You just earned this place and all of its little inhabitants no heating. At all.” Taigen turns to Yori and Hiroki. “How pathetic are you? She was here the whole time and your dumb asses thought she had somehow managed to get away?” 

Taigen sighs, then produces a chain. He cuffs Itori’s wrist with one end and yanks her to her feet with the other. 

With this leash, he makes his way to the door.

The other kids lower their heads, so still and silent they could be painted statues. They're 

“Oh and,” Taigen flicks a finger at Kota, “Get rid of him.” 

“No!” Itori screams, but Taigen simply smiles cruelly at her. 

“Nice try bitch. But you are going to where _you_ belong. To be just like your dear mother.” 

_No._

_No no no no no no no no NO!_

Itori fights and screams and bites and sobs, but in the end, she is knocked out with a punch hard enough to knock a tooth out. The last thing she sees is Kota’s mint green eyes and bloodied face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took place a year after Katsuko's present.


	4. Forsaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything’s completely different now.

The only reason Katsuko came to was because of her hunger. 

It forced her crusty eyelids open, forced her to acknowledge the cramps in her limbs from lying on the hard floor for so long, her sore throat and the stinging ache left behind in her agony. 

It soon becomes clear the house is empty and it has been for a while. 

Slowly the little girl sits up, blood that's long dried crumbling off her back as she did so. There’s blood streaked on the floor like rust. She proceeds to drag herself across the floor to where the mirror rested against the wall, wondering if it’s as bad as it feels.

Her limbs begin to tremble when she turns her head and sees her back for the first time.

_No._

Just seeing it felt so... _unreal._ Her eyes simply couldn't believe what they saw.

The pain that followed hurt so much, even more than when Papa died.

Because she knew that he had still loved her then. That he died loving her even though it was her fault she wanted a toy and Papa wanted to make her happy.

Papa wasn't a hateful person. Never, ever. That was something Katsuko had always known. Papa was forgiving, and loved with his whole heart. 

But now Katsuko knew from seeing what was on her back, with absolute certainty… that her Mama left her... without loving her anymore.

Mama is never coming back. Like Papa. The only difference was she was able to, but she chose not to.

_Why?_

The sight reflected in the mirror blurs, and she wails, clutching her head.

It’s a sound of brokenness and loneliness and pain. 

Because... _Why_? 

Why why why why why why why why why why why why? 

_Why, Mama?_

It hurts her back to cry, the movement causes the blood on her back to crack and crumble away, revealing the open wounds that didn't have the energy to heal.

No matter how much Katsuko screams and wails and cries, the pain inside doesn’t go away and she cannot understand.

Why did this happen? 

Katsuko tried. She tried to bring her mama back so they could somehow be happy again. Because she loved her mama and she herself wanted to feel happy again, even though Papa was gone. 

She _tried_ , and Mama abandoned her. She fought as hard as she could and now she is all alone. 

How? How did this happen?

Eventually, Katsuko’s crying tones down as something grows more and more prominent inside of her: hunger.

So she wipes her eyes, takes a deep breath and shakily gets to her feet. Every movement unleashes pain in her back like a whip, but her hunger is unbearable. 

Staggering to the fridge, she finds that the few strips of meat they had left are gone. 

Katsuko stares at her feet. Is she nine now? 

From her immense hunger and the stiffness of her limbs, she must have been unconscious for at least a day or two.

Is nine...old enough to take care of herself? What is she going to do now? What is she going to eat?

The little girl starts to cry again at the bleakness of it all, despite the pain of moving her back. 

“Mama...I want Mama…!” 

And so the little girl knew pain as the rest of the world did. She was not sheltered from that anymore and she could not ever go back to where she had been. That in itself was another reason to cry. 

* * *

As she had done before, Katsuko ignores her empty stomach. 

Naturally, it doesn't last long in her situation. Her wounds call for meat, for sustenance, in order to heal and gain strength. 

On that note of desperation, she takes the photograph of her and her parents on her sixth birthday, hoping to find some string of courage from it. 

The plastic plant was knocked over and the glass was cracked, but the photo itself was intact. Katsuko stares at it for a long time and after bundling up, finally buries it in the frosted earth at the base of the tree in her backyard. She doesn’t want to take it with her but she’s not entirely sure if the man her mother brought will come back to the house.

With that done, Katsuko ventures out onto the streets alone for the first time in her life. As she walks down the street, she keeps her head down. She can smell her own blood through her coat. 

Humans hurry by, not sparing her much of a glance as they kept to themselves and went on with their own business.

Their scents stir her appetite into a ferocious growl, but she hopelessly watches them pass. She’s never hunted before. How can she bring down an adult when she can barely walk straight? When she doesn’t even know how?

Besides that…

Katsuko is afraid to hurt them, as weak and hungry as she is. She needs it, more than ever, but what if they’re just like Papa? What if they have kids like her waiting for them at home? 

_I don’t want to hurt anyone._

It’s not fair. She’s so hungry and there’s delicious meat walking past her, but she doesn’t want to. And she can’t, anyway, not with her injuries.

So Katsuko decides to get away from the more public streets before she's further tempted.

“Hey, kid! What do you think you're doing on our turf?” a gruff voice says suddenly. 

Blinking, said kid looks around, trying to find where the voice came from, when two ghouls emerge from the shadows. 

The one who spoke, a male, is short and wearing a dirty and ragged jacket. The other is a young woman, who doesn’t look any better off. Katsuko wrings her hands as they stare at her contemptuously.

The faint scent of human blood on them is what gives her the courage to mumble something. “Um. I’m, I’m really hungry... Do you...do you have anything I can--?”

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence. The woman takes a step forward and calmly kicks her in the stomach. 

Katsuko falls to the ground, clutching her stomach and gasping.

“You’re asking us for food, you little bitch? Did you not hear him? You’re on _our_ turf!” 

“I, I don’t know what you mean! Please-” 

“Don’t you dare play pretend with me! Someone sent you, didn’t they?!” 

She grabs Katsuko by the collar when the little girl only gapes and says nothing. “Eat this then.”

Something blue emerges from over her shoulder, and the next thing Katsuko feels is excruciating pain in her abdomen. Her scream is interrupted by the blood coughed up. “St-op…” 

“Coming onto my turf and then telling me what to do?” The woman twists her kagune, and Katsuko screams again. Blood streams down from the wound, darkening her clothes as she sees spots.

The other ghoul looks at Katsuko, then shifts his gaze away, as if he saw the same thing every day but didn’t want to intervene.

The woman, on the other hand, smirks and then swiftly yanks out her kagune and slas hesit across Katsuko’s face, throwing the little girl into the dirt. “Someone as pathetic and weak as you shouldn’t even exist, don’t you agree?” 

There’s a gaping hole in Katsuko’s throat from the blow. The blood pumping out is quickly turning cold on the frozen ground. Her strength is fading. The pain is too much, this world is too much, that Katsuko just stares at the winter sky and waits for death to come. It’s been a short life, but she doesn’t see much point in continuing it anymore. Not that she has a choice in the matter anyhow.

She just wants it to be over. She just wants the pain in her body and her heart to stop.

“Are you done yet?” The gruff man asks. 

“Shut it.” The woman replies and then stands over Katsuko with an almost scrutinizing look. “You see, kid, you’re not gonna survive in this ward the way you are. Whoever sent you probably won’t fulfill whatever promise they made... And you’re not gonna last one way or another.” 

“That’s kind of a rude assumption, isn’t it?” 

The new voice was younger, and without any harsh tone to it. Katsuko was vaguely surprised, but from where she was on the ground she couldn’t see the newcomer. She could only hear the grunts, screams, gasps and later feet, running away.

Then a face appeared over Katsuko’s view of the sky. A boy. A little older than her... panting, with hair past his shoulders and as dark as a raven’s wing. There was a cut over his nose. His skin rapidly stitched itself together and in three seconds, the cut was gone. 

“Hurry, eat this.” 

Something foul is shoved into her mouth, but there’s blood-oh, there’s blood and meat! In her extreme hunger, she gobbles it up, and the hole in her throat slowly starts to close. 

After what feels like an eternity of the stranger passing her strips of meat, the gash disappears fully. Her back still feels like there’s nails in it and her body is weaker than wet paper, but she’s no longer at death’s door and manages to mutter out a question.

“Uta,” the boy answers as he carefully hoists her onto his back. He’s barely taller than her and she can feel his muscles tremble under her weight, but he starts to walk, heedful to keep his gait smooth so as not to jostle her. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. I’m going to take care of you. You’re not going to die.”

When Katsuko doesn’t reply, he asks, “Are you still hurt anywhere?” 

“She’s... not coming back...” 

The boy stops, turning his head slightly to try to see her face. His eyes are knowingly sad. He waits for her to say more, but she doesn’t so he keeps on walking and remains silent.

Mama was the person she loved most. She no longer had Mama and Papa, just Mama. And she endured the changes that came after. The physical hit, the strikes to the heart when Mama just brushed off Katsuko or ignored her or yelled at her, the texting, Mama being gone all the time, the feeling like she was just a burden and whatever she wanted didn’t matter. It was bearable then. It wasn’t bearable now.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finalllyyyyy updated, yay me! I edited this a lot, probably going to edit other chapters a little bit. Hope you enjoyed reading!


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